Learning resources

By Francesca Gentille 2/17/06

Definitions of terms I use

Dear Diva,

"I do really need more info on this such as healing , eliminating negative , lovemaking, books and such. there really is no outlet here... at all no one to talk to about these matters in any depth at all.about how woman hood is divene and all her parts through love making. and through healing, i know i as for a lot here but if you know some one / and or a group in my area it would be appreciated... thanks in advance and love to you dan"

And much love and blessings back to YOU!

The following will be from MY experience and what worked(and works) for me. Dear COMMUNITY, please do email the list with YOUR favorite resources, workshops, movies, books, CD/Tapes etc. to US.

I will include some of my favorite movies, books etc at the end. First some concepts. . .

I used to hate my body. I had never seen my own vagina. I was afraid of men's penis'. I wanted love but was afraid and conflicted about sex. I often felt used by men. My relationships were filled with drama and pain.

I followed this path of BECOMING a sacred lover. I now love my body and celebrate my vulva. I adore the phallus as sacred. My relationships have ease, passion and compassion. It took work, study and lots of it. It was worth it. I wish I had worked harder, looked at my own dark, more fearlessly, sooner. And it is the perfect journey for my soul.

Hop on. . .
WOMAN AS DIVINE THROUGH LOVEMAKING:
- This takes MINDSET SHIFT or a paradigm shift as it is sometimes called. Our culture raises us to think that other people are there to MAKE us happy and to fulfill us. Our lovers are there to GET US OFF or they are there for us to PROVE what good lovers WE ARE. We objectify one another as means to an end. For example: YOU become a way for me to GET laid - happy - protected - avoid pain - gain pleasure etcetera.

- THE SACRED SEXUAL MINDSET takes LETTING GO of what we were taught about sex and love through movies, books, locker room conversations, first hand experience, pornography, and music. It takes practice to shift the old mindset.

- It takes ASKING QUESTIONS and seeking - seeking - seeking for NEW answers Inside & Out.

How am I sacred? What is it to be sacred or to experience the sacred? What did ancient cultures do? What do indigenous cultures do? Have I ever felt the experience of the sacred? When? Where? What spiritual practices enrich my sense of being sacred, whole, healed, holy? What is The Divine? How do I see it in me? In you? The answers can arise from any religion or any place. If it resonates, if it is nutritive, if it works - - use it.

- It takes SEEING ALL PEOPLE AS SACRED. Yes, women are sacred and divine. So are men. So are children. So are the elderly. So are people of all races, all religions, all politics, all. First, it is the most helpful, to learn to see and experience ourselves as sacred.

Take the time to look at our own bodies NAKED and find the beauty. Take the time to look at our own GENITALS and see the beauty. Take the time to massage and lotion and positively affirm our own bodies from head to toe. Take the time to appreciate our own skills, gifts, talents, hopes, courage. Take the time to have compassion for our own weaknesses, addictions, underdeveloped areas, anxieties.

- WOMEN ARE DIVINE. They are the givers and birthers of life. The Vulva is the portal of pleasure and the portal of life itself. Woman is the creative life force. She is the well of passion, compassion, emotion and intuition. She is the fierce protectress. Can we look at a breast or a vulva/vagina not only as arousing, delicious, and erotically inspiring but ALSO awesome, gorgeous, spiritually inspiring, moving? Women are a treasure. Without the womb, there would be no life. No people. The womb is the Sacred Chalice, the Sacred Well and the Holy Grail.

- MEN ARE DIVINE. They are the seed bringers. They are the spark of life. The Phallus is the "Rod & Staff" of comfort and pleasure. The phallus is the sacred plow that opens the fertile earth for life. He is the power, the strength, the gut knowing, and the deep feeling. He is Noble Warrior. Can we look at a phallus, or testicles and feel awe, inspiration, being moved. Can we experience both the arousing nature and the divine nature of the penis? Without the penis there would be no life. No people. The phallus is the Sacred Tree, the Seed Bringer, The Holy Rod.

- To WORSHIP THE DIVINE & THE DIVINE IN ONE ANOTHER, takes being present to our own glorious divinity and moved by the glorious divinity of one another.

- HEALING:
Sadly, many of us have been deeply wounded by our culture, our media, our lovers, our neighbors and/or even our families. We have been emotionally, physically and/or sexually abused. We have been rejected and misunderstood. We have been sad and lonely. Despairing and depressed. Numb. Addicted. Driven.

- TO HEAL takes a commitment to healing.

- It takes a willingness and an unstoppability about finding the healing we need.

- It takes taking workshops, reading books, seeing instructional videos, creating discussion groups.

- It takes courage to reveal what happened, how we feel, what we long for, what we are afraid of and more. Commitment to the process. Willingness to learn to love ourselves.

- Healing can show up in Bodywork sessions, Therapy, Group Counseling, Coaching, Workshops, Rituals, Friendships, Martial Arts, Movement Classes, Energy Work etc. Some favorite workshops, books and videos to GOOGLE show up under terms like: Tantra, Sacred Sexuality, Bodywork, Reiki, Energy Work, 5 Rhthyms Dance, Contiuum, Motherwave, Life Coaching, Recovery, Paganism, Wicca, Goddess, Akido, Chi Kung.

- Go to GOOGLE - Write in YOUR TOWN and state (or the nearest big town) and THE TOPIC you are interested in. Classes will pop up.

- When you read a book that heals and inspires you, join the teachers email list. Invite them to your town. See if they will be in your town. I had a magical occurence of this just recently. I finished a book "Ancient Pact" by Caryn Colgan. I googled her name and low and behold, she was presenting in Reno,NV that afternoon!

- Go to your favorite INDEPENDENT bookstore or metaphysical bookstore or even ON-LINE Barnes & Noble or Borders or Amazon. Write in THE TOPIC you are interested in. Books will pop up. Buy them. You can often even get them used. If you don't like reading. TRY AUDIO TAPES of books or CD's.

SOME OF MY FAVORITE SACRED LOVING BOOKS:

• Dreaming the Dark - Sex, Magic & Politics by Starhawk
• Aprhodite's Daughers by Jallaja Bonheim
• Tantra for the West by Marc Allen
• Courage for Peace by Louise Diamond
• Concious Loving by the Hendricks
• Archetypes of Initiation by Robert Moore
• The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
• The Idiot's Guide to Tantric Sex by Dr. Judy Kuriansky
• Don't Be Nice Be Real by Kelly Bryson
• The Future of Love by Daphne Rose Kingma
• Ancient Pact by Caryn Colgan
• The Way of the Superior Lover by David Deida
• The Partnership Way by Rianne Eisler

MEN'S WORK (I encourage women to read this)

• Iron John by Robert Bly
• Fire in the Belly by Sam Keen
• The Boy Who Married An Eagle by Clarissa Pinkola Estes
• The Myth of Male Power
• King, Warrior, Magician, Lover by Robert Moore

WOMEN'S WORK (I encourage men to read this)

• Women Who Run With The Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes
• The Men We Never Knew - Healing the Emotional Lives of Men by Daphne Rose Kingma
• The Goddess in Everywoman by Jean Shinoda Bolen
• Dreaming the Dark - Sex, Magic & Politics by Starhawk
• Aprhodite's Daughters by Jallaja Bonheim

FAVORITE FILMS:

• Dangerous Beauty
• Bliss
• Harem

FAVORITE DVD's:

• The Power of Myth
• Ancient Sexual Secrets
• The Art of Sacred Sexuality

FAVORITE Audio Tapes & Teaching CD's:

• Anything by Clarissa Pinkola Estes
• Anything by Angeles Arrien
• Anything by David Deida
• Anything by Alison Armstrong

REMEMBER MOST TEACHERS are willing to come to your area or COACH YOU by phone. Contact them directly to find out there needs.

EGROUPS:
I send out invitations for other teachers events on a regular basis. If their event sounds interesting but is not in your area, join their egroup. You can learn alot from their newlsetters. They may come to your town OR you can organize to have them come to your town.

You may have noticed that I have NOT focused most of my suggestions directly on SEX. The reason for that is because I have found that BECOMING A SACRED LOVER had more to do with the healing of my heart, body, mind and spirit than with jumping into better sex techniques. It had more to do with learning about the Ancient Gods & Goddesses and about CONNECTING to my inner divinity today.

The more I am connected to the Divine in me, the more I can be connected to the divine in you, the more delicious, honoring, healing, inspiring, arousing ideas just pop up in my mind/spirit.

I recommend any spiritual practice that deepens our ability to hold non-judgment, compassion, loving kindness and STILL HAVE BOUNDARIES.

Smooch,
Francesca