Dressing With Intent

By Francesca Gentille

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Her brow was furrowed as she pushed through the racks of Halloween Costumes for the year. Her choices never seemed to be quite right. The maid outfit was too slutty. The lion outfit too baggy. The astronaut was fun but perhaps too distancing with its helmet.

She slowed down inside, deepened her breathing and tried to tune into what her gut instinct might tell her. The loud store music, the laughter of the children faded away. Suddenly she knew. It was the belly dancer "look" that would fit her perfectly. Something about it delighted her. The shiny coin spangles, the shimmery fabric, the sense of mystery of the face veil. The seductive hide & seek of the cloth.

She rummaged through the disheveled racks and found the last one in her size.
She left the store with a feeling of success. It would be a great Halloween.

Costumes? Roles?

How do we choose?

How do we choose for Halloween? For a meet the parents evening? For a business interview? For a first date? For a church social? Or a pagan ritual?

So often we look into our closets and barely think of the clothing or costuming we have chosen for our every day lifes. We are habituated to the way we dress, the way we think and the roles we have chosen to play.

Some of us play roles of rebellion - Not like my parents, the establishment, or some grouping of THEM.

Others of us play roles of conformity or belonging - Like my family, my religion, my social strata, my business or some grouping of US.

Some of us somehow manage to both feel like rebels and to conform to our group.

Some of us have lost a sense of "me-ness". We wear whatever is typical, popular or called for in our environment. We may feel dis-ease. We ignore it and move on.

Each group, each role we choose or identify with has "a look", a style, a type of clothing, a range of colors. How easy it is to identify someone as hippie, neo-hippie, retro-hippie, techno, artsie, gangsta, preppie, yuppie, upscale, downtempo, slutty, studly, sloppy, uptight, goth, etc. etc.

Sometimes we have moments in our life where our world breaks open and we realize we have the power to choose a new role and a new set of costumes.
Some of us never realize it. Most of us forget again after re-choosing.

How often we say or hear. . . "This is just me." "It feels comfortable." "I like it." "I like being elegant." "I like freaking the mundanes." "I don't put value into clothing."

And yet each statement leads to a series of choices of clothing and choices of behavior that become our intransigent role and costume. The sitcom or soap opera of our lives that is never canceled nor rewritten.

If we are lucky, at Halloween or the Renaissance Faire or a Costume Party or Role Playing Game, we step out of one persona and into another. For a while, a moment, or perhaps an hour or two.

Even then very few of us think that that choice might reflect a deep part of our psyche longing for integrated expression into our daily lives. Our habits fight the realization - "who me, a devil?", "a suit", "a monster", "a vampire" or "vampyre victim", "a boring drone" ?

Very few of us would know, or choose to dialogue with, our choices, find out why we chose them, what they might reveal of a lost ally or a forgotten power that now only lives in our shadow.

Even fewer might find the patience and courage to compassionately get to know these misplaced pieces and integrate them into life.

Why might this be?

Debbie Ford,author of "The Dark Side of the Light Chasers" says "We believe that if we look closely enough at what lies deep within us, we will find something horrible. We fear ourselves. Many of us are so disconnected from this fear we can only see it by reflection. We project it onto the world, onto our families and friends, and onto strangers. We become so good at this we actually forget that we are wearing masks to hide our authentic selves.
We believe we are the persons we see in the mirror."

In "Owning Your Own Shadow" by Robert A. Johnson he goes on to say, "When we consciously approach the shadow, we examine a very powerful aspect of our personality that is almost universally shunned and avoided. And in this way, we enter the realm of paradox. All the great myths give instructions on this subject and remind us that the treasure will be found in one of the least likely or popular places. Contradiction (this or that, win or lose, bad or good, darkness or light) is barren and destructive, yet paradox is creative (this and that, win and lose, bad and good, darkness and light). It is a powerful embracing of reality."

So today as we I talk to my son about what he might like "to be" at Halloween, I think of my own "inner characters", the clothes in my closet, my projections onto others, and the people in my dreams. I wonder where I am missing some aspect of my drama. What parts of me are directors in denial. Where I am a victim of life.

In honor of this season of Halloween, and costumes, and roles, and shadows, would you be willing to go in and out of your closet with me (perhaps for the 1,000 time)?

Take a peak at what you say, who you think you are, the way you dress. What if it was only a habit? What if you and I were a complete universe of possibilities that contained - EVERYTHING! I especially invite you to take a gander at the "looks" you despise, the people you denigrate and the groups you complain about. What if they were all you?

What will you wear this Halloween? This Saturday night? Or to work?

What are your roles? What are your costumes? Would you choose them again if you had all the choices in the world?

What is your fear? Can you face it? Can you be it? Could you love it?

Behind the mask of authenticity - perhaps, Francesca