DISH: Organically Opulent Feasting

DIVA LOVE DISH – Friday: 10/20/06
 
Dear Diva Francesca,
 
Do you think there is a difference between loving and being in love? If there is a difference, what are the implications of these differences for relationships?
 
Learning to Love

Cara Learning to Love,
 
Imagine that you lived in a world where you had needs - - - FOR INSTANCE for nourishment.
 
You would get hungry. You would eat. Then later you would notice hunger again. The need would get fulfilled then depleted.
 
Now imagine, that you were raised in a culture where you were taught that candy bars were the only way to get nourished. These candy bars were wrapped in glowing and sensual colors. You grew up barraged with commercials about candy bars, music about candy bars, books about the search for the perfect candy bar, and videos about candy bar orgies.
 
All you knew about fulfilling your hunger and nourishing your body, was based on your enculturation with candy bars.
 
Sadly, although you ate candy bars on a regular basis, you were never fulfilled for long. Although there was a sense of high when you ate (the first rush of sweetness, the flood of sugar, and boost of chemicals in your body) then there would be The Crash. The depletion.
The let down. The hunger. Again.
 
Although you searched and searched for the ideal candy bar, The One that would sustain you for a long time and feel good in your body, you couldn’t find it. You noticed that no matter how many candy bars you tried, nor how faithful you were to one type of candy bar, you would get sick of it.
 
One day, something different and magical happened.
 
You were invited into a special room, in fact, a Sacred Temple.
 
Instead of wall-to-wall treats and glaring lights, there was the warm glow of candles, fresh flowers, and sensual fabrics. Lovely music was playing. Your body began to relax. Your soul began to open to the appreciation of the environment so attentively created.
 
In a harmonious and gracious manner, plates were brought out and lovingly served. On these plates, were food stuffs of all types, textures, flavors, colors, and aromas. Some hot. Some cold. You noticed that all of your senses were opening. You noticed yourself slowing down to savor each moment, each smell, each taste, and each sight.
 
You breathed in the nourishment given to all your senses. Your heart opened with appreciation. Your soul opened to harmony. Your body took in the nutrient dense, organic nature, of the life force in the food itself. Body Soul took in the loving care, attention and intention provided in the food and the service.
 
After this feast, you noticed a sense of peace and wellness in your body.
 
After this feast, you noticed a sense of happiness and completion in your heart.
 
After this feast, you felt full and sustained for a long, long, long time.
 
After this feast, you knew you could never go back to the rush and tumble of candy bar after candy bar.
 
Not only would you return to the Temple of Organically Opulent Feasting, you would become The Creator and Provider of the Sacred Feast.
 
Dear one,
 
We are raised in a culture of candy bar sex and love.
 
Get More. Different. Better. Keep searching. Get the fix. Find someone, or something, or some better high to take away the pain and suffering interwoven in the pleasure and joys of life.
 
If some high lets you down:
 
- The job
- The spouse
- The lover
- The drug
- The new car, house, gizmo, purchase, cause
 
Get rid of it.
 
Get something bigger, better, newer, flashier and hopefully better at producing an infinite high.
 
YES, there is a difference between Falling In Love and Loving.
 
Falling in Love is an internal chemical cocktail triggered when someone looks, smells, sounds, or appears dishy.
 
When we meet someone who smells like food, our body dumps phenylethalamine, oxytocins, and endorphins into our blood. The high that gets created is higher than alcohol, LSD or Ecstasy. It is designed to block the messages from our Upper Brain and Lower Brain.
Because it produces a high, we can become addicted to it.
 
The Upper Brain is where we analyze, discern, envision and plan. The Lower Brain is based on the primal reactivity of Fight, Flight, F*ck, or Freeze.  Our bodies are designed to feel the affects of “falling in love” so that we will “f*ck” and make babies. This chemical rush will contain no information about whether or not we share common values, life visions, relationship styles or relationship skills sets. Before I knew this, how many times did I “fall in love” with the “wrong” guy?
Hmm, I had at least 12 live-in, what I thought were committed, relationships.
 
Under the influence of “falling in love,” we will feel euphoria, an increased sense of well-being, a sense of merging, a sense of knowing and being known, and an increased libido. Because “falling in love,” is a chemically produced high there will be a low. In 3 months to a year, we will come down. We may feel betrayed, confused, numb, depressed, or back to normal. If we are fortunate and well skilled in relating, we may gracefully transition into Loving.
 
Like any high, “falling in love,” gives us a glimpse of something that is possible. However, it takes effort and practice to integrate any awareness that is produced in an altered state.

Falling In Love is hardwired into our Lower Brain.
 
Loving is a practice and a choice. It is inherently sacred, conscious, aware.
 
We can study, research, practice and train in Sacred Loving. We can become Master Chefs of Love. We can discern when a truly nourishing feast is being offered. We can collaborate in creating nourishment to last a lifetime.
 
In my tradition, we believe that we choose to embody, so that we can experience life, choice, joy and suffering.
 
If we choose to indulge in candy bars. That is one possible choice.
It’s not wrong. It’s not bad. There are some probable outcomes. That’s all.
 
If we choose to become the Sacred Chef of Love, we are not better souls. We have made a different choice. There are different probable outcomes. That’s all.
 
We are blessed in today’s world with so many opportunities if we wish to explore candy bars.
 
We are blessed in today’s world with so many opportunities if we wish to explore Cooking Up Sacred Loving.
 
In this life, I am choosing Sacred Loving. It has resulted in me being the “right” person. I am now capable of bringing more ease, more grace, more feasting, and more juicy sacred sexuality in my relationship. I encourage you to choose what is authentic for you.
 
Much of our pain in relating to one another comes when we are inauthentic about who we are becoming, what we long to choose, and what we perceive as our wants, needs, limits and boundaries. Instead of being courageously authentic, we give up. We give in. We over give. And we get even.
 
Knowing and loving myself, is the greatest gift that I can give our relationship.
 
If we both are addicted to candy bars, we can enjoy that together.
 
If I wish to follow a candy bar path and you wish to be an Organically Opulent Chef of Love, we will have a more easeful lovelife, separately.
But perhaps our souls wish the excitement of drama, and learning through emotional stirrings, in which case struggling with our differences can be engaging and educational.
 
If you choose to become or continue to become an Organically Opulent Chef of Love I recommend studying

• – The Physiology of the Body
• – Aging
• – Sacred Sexuality
• – Compassionate Communication
• – Personal Growth
• – Emotional Healing
• – Woman’s Enculturation
• – Men’s Enculturation

BOOKS:

• The Alchemy of Love & Lust: How Our Sex Hormones Influence our Relationships by Theresa L. Crenshaw, MD
• The Marriage of Sex & Spirit: Relationships at the Edge of Conscious Evolution (available at www.celebrationsoflove.com )
• Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch Phd
• Conscious Loving by Gay & Marilyn Hendricks Phds
• A Woman’s Book of Life; The Biology, Psychology & Spirituality of the Feminine Life
• Cycle by Joan Borysenko Phd
• The Men We Never Knew; How To Deepen Your Relationship With the Man You Love by Daphne Rose Kingma
• The Future of Love by Daphne Rose Kingma

WORKSHOPS:

• Celebrations Of Love www.CelebrationsOfLove.com
• LifeDance Center www.LifeDanceCenter.com
• Body Electric www.BodyElectric.org
• PAX Programs www.understandmen.com
• Maryanne Comaroto www.maryannecomaroto.com
• Compassionate Communication: Non-Violent Communication www.cnvc.org

Your courage to know and love yourself and live your truth, heals the world.
 
Blessings,
Diva Francesca