DISH: Lip Smacking Treats

Dear Diva,

My partner and I enjoy wonderful lovemaking. I also enjoy giving her oral love and she really enjoys it when I do it. However, most of the time when I try to initiate this, she pulls me away. She tells me that she's not interested that way right now. I know I do a good job, as she and many of my previous partners have all really enjoyed it and told me so.

Any advice on how to get her to want more of it?

Also, why do I not see more (or am I missing it) of discussions on oral sex in Tantra?

Thanks!
Bill

Caro Licking the Lips of Love,

Ahh, to be appreciated for the Divine Chef of Love that we are.

Ahhh, to be able to give to our beloved just what we want to give, and when we want to give it.

SEASONAL COOKING:
Even so, what we are in the mood to cook and eat changes from day to day, and moment to moment. This is because some dishes are seasonal. Some ingredients ripen and follow the moon.

The same goes for when we are the dish that is to be eaten.

Perhaps, I am close to my monthly womb cleanse. If so, I may feel uncomfortable having my vulva on the menu. I may sense that my inner spices aren’t as savory as I would like.

Or perhaps, if I am near my egg time, I may want to be shaken and stirred by the wand of love.

Personally, I happen to be a woman who always prefers the ins and outs of cooking with the magic wand. Someone could be the most amazing chef of love, and I still would not wish to have my vulva on the menu. Perhaps I would like to be just a smidge of an appetizer, now and then.

I feel more connected, more taken, more stirred, more of a perfected dish when the spoon is stirring my pot. I also appreciate looking into the eyes of the cook. YUM!

Dear Chef, we can not make someone like any particular dish or meal that we like to cook and serve.

CONVERSATIONAL APPETIZERS BUILD INTIMACY & CONNECTION:
However, the best meals are often benefited by great conversational appetizers.

With the candles lit, some delicious music, and something to quench our thirst is a luscious time to discuss our fantasy dishes or let our beloved know if we have any boundaries, limits or bad memories around how love is cooked and offered.

We each come to Love’s Table with memories and experiences that reflect onto this moment. It only takes getting food poisoning from a dish once, to vow never to eat it again. Eating beautifully in the banquet of love takes compassion for who we are, who we have been and who we long to become.

BEING APPRECIATED AS A GREAT CHEF:
If I am more concerned with cooking my way, because I know I am a great chef, or wonderful at cooking a particular dish perhaps I may be longing to be appreciated and seen for my gifts, skills and talents. Once I realize that, my beloved and I can collaborate and brainstorm on my serving a meal and being fully appreciated for it.

Perhaps I love the smell and taste of the vulva. Perhaps looking, licking, and touching meets my need for sensual beauty. If so, I could let me beloved know that I wish to adore her vulva. See Her divine beauty. Breathe in Her sacred scent. Taste and savor Her Inner Essence.

THE TANTRA OF ORAL SEX:
I can release time, goal and outcome. This becomes the Tantra of Oral Sex.
My goal is connection with the Divine that is present in the life giving genitals of my beloved.

It is not about what I do. It is not about heightening arousal. It is a meditation, presence, and breath of BEING.

As I slow down, take deep relaxing breaths into my belly. As I release the judgmental mind, I get fully present to my heart and spirit. I am moved, inspired and touched by Soul.

As I feel that soul in my own body, magically I connect to the breath and body of my beloved. I feel with my beloved. I do not need to think. I am. We are. Love is. And it moves through us in waves of ecstasy.

One meaning of Tantra is “to weave.” Tantra in and of itself is a spiritual path meant to lead to the loving and unconditional acceptance of The All – of The Divine. Many East Indian and Tibetan Tantric paths do not involve sexuality at all.

Anytime, we release judgmentalism, open to compassion, open to non-duality, open to timelessness, we are in the realm of Tantra. In a sense it is similar to “the zone” that is often spoken of in sports, or the creative arts. When we sharing a Tantric Zone with another, we are weaving both our hearts, bodies, minds and spirits fully in Presence.

Tantra Cooking is not against Oral Delights.

In some ways, it is a bit odd that American Tantric Cooking has focused so much on Sexuality and Sensuality as main dishes, when in Buddhist Tantra the main dish is the Compassionate Heart.

Never the less, it is a missing cook book at this time. Perhaps you shall be its author.

To be a Tantric Chef Of Love I recommend classes on:

• - Buddhist Tantra, we are blessed with so many centers in the Bay
  Area. And the Master Chef visits us periodically - - - The Dalai Lama.
• - To cook conversational compassion, classes on Compassionate
  Communication www.cnvc.org and www.CelebrationsOfLove.com

BOOKS:

• - The Marriage Of Sex & Spirit: Relationships at The Edge of
  Conscious Evolution Now available at www.CelebrationsOfLove.com with over 47 fabulous authors like Lori Grace, Tich Nanh Han, Deepak Chopra, Kelly Bryson and ME!

Thank for having such an open, devoted and dedicated heart for loves mysteries. I envision conversations for you and your beloved that will open the heart and lips to communicate. I envision entering into the Tantra of Loves Alchemical Crucible.

Blessings,
Diva Francesca