DISH: Sacred Sexual Pate

DIVA LOVE DISH – Fridays: 8/25/06

DISH: Sacred Sexual Pate (pronounced Pa – Tay)
 
Dear Diva,
 
I am a man who is very interested in delving into Sacred Sexuality practices but my wife is not interested at all. I don’t feel I can even share my own explorations with her because she thinks it’s all weird.
How can I engage in Sacred Sexuality on my own without hurting my monogamous, uninterested partner?

- Sexual Explorer

Caro Explorer,
 
Thank you for being a fabulous man. Thank you for being a man committed to bringing back the Sacred in Sexuality. Thank you for understanding that this is a healing that the world needs and longs for.
 
SACRED Sexuality is holy, precious, healing, transformative and healthy. It is meant to be our birthright.
 
Sadly, most of us have been raised in a culture that wounds our bodies, our emotions and our spirits. We have been raised in a culture that is body negative and sex negative.  Therefore it takes training, exploration, study and healing to reclaim Sacred Sexuality. It does NOT TAKE A PARTNER to learn and practice Sacred Sexuality.
 
It is a MYTH that it takes two people to create Sacred Sexuality. In truth, it only takes one. Each of us is (or can become) THE TEMPLE OF LOVE. When this temple is solidly sanctified in our body, everyone feels it. As the Holy Seeker after the Divine in life, in love and in lovemaking the journey is yours. The benefits heal the planet. The question becomes:
 
How do we explore and experiment in the realm of the sexual with integrity, wholeness, holiness, honesty, compassion and sacredness?
 
I’m guessing that part of you feels justified in lying or witholding information from your wife because of her opinion about terms like Sacred Sexuality, Tantra and our Divine Lovemaking. Perhaps you are thinking that what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. Or that she doesn’t want to experience you as an amazing lover because she doesn’t like the “words” you use to describe your sexual longings. NOTE: Be aware that we humans have a tendency to complain about what is NOT present rather than to lovingly envision what we would like more of.
 
I invite you to think about whether you would feel it justified for her to withhold her sexual explorations from you? (Sacred or not). Is it truly holy, sacred, or in integrity to engage in sensual or sexual practices (even with a sacred intention) that are outside of the agreements of your relationship?
 
I’m also guessing that part of you truly loves her and longs to share Sacred Sexuality with her and to develop greater intimacy (on all levels with her.)  YOU CAN.
 
SACRED SEXUALITY ARISES FROM:

• Self Love (of our own body, heart, mind, spirit and
  Eros)
• Compassion for our selves and others
• The ability to see The Divine in ourselves and others
• The ability to have compassion for our own imperfections and those of others (physical and personal)
• Meditative Practices of deep breathing, and clearing the judgmental mind
• Training in the ability to perceive and move “energy” in the body
• Practice in undulations (body wave) and relaxation
• A heartfelt intention toward loving kindness and healing (without attachment)
• The release of the agenda of orgasm or ejaculation (although it is wonderful when it happens)
• The ability to use ones body to truly appreciate and worship the Divine in other (including but not solely their sexuality/genitals).
• A healthy body that is able to move freely with ease and grace
• The courage to feel, to open one’s heart, to face ones own darkness, to risk vulnerability
• The courage to ask for what we want and to set compassionate limits around our time, money and/or energy.

It does not matter what we call or label Sacred Sexuality - - - it is a state of BEING.

As you deepen into becoming YOUR OWN sacred lover, you will have an ease, peace, energy, compassion and heart that your beloved will just feel. You don’t need to talk about it. She will experience your presence, appreciation, compassion, and adoration.
 
I imagine that she would love to hear that you want to:

• Deepen your intimacy with her
• Open your heart more to her
• Learn more about what sexually excites and arouses her
• Learn more about what relaxes and nurtures her body
• Learn more about what relaxes and nurtures her spirit and her trust

I encourage you and feel moved by your journey. I look forward to hearing about your discoveries. Thank you SACRED EXPLORER in Sacred Sexuality AND for caring.
 
FOR SACRED SEXUALITY STUDIES:
I recommend reading books on Sacred Sexuality and on Tantra. Some of my favorites include:

• The Way of the Superior Lover (David Deida)
• Tantra for the West (Marc Allen)
• The Chalice and the Blade (Rianne Eisler)
• The Marriage of Sex & Spirit ( I have a chapter in this one entitled “With My Body – I Thee Worship”)

I recommend watching videos:

• Sacred Sexuality for Lovers
• Ancient Sexual Secrets (www.Celebrationsoflove.com )
• Bliss (It is a fabulous film that has a male sexual healer. Awesome!)

BECOMING YOUR OWN SACRED LOVER:
We often feel resistance to becoming our own Sacred Lover. When we touch our own bodies we usually f**k for “get off” or masturbate.
 
To become Shaman of Sacred Sexuality or Mage of Love requires learning how to truly love and appreciate our own bodies.

Get out the oils. Light the candles. Put on your favorite music. Slow down. Breathe deeply. Take your time.
 
At least once a week, spend at least 20 minutes caressing your entire body (head to toe). Give yourself loving appreciations – Thank you for carrying me. Thank you for your strength and health. Thank you for being my sacred vessel.
 
Notice what is handsome about your body. Eyes? Ears? Hands? Feet? Butt?
Eyelashes? Mouth? Phallus? Other?
 
Thank yourself and appreciate that part of you.
  
You are a blessing to the world.
 
Amore,
Diva Francesa