DISH: Journey Bread

DIVA LOVE DISH – Friday: 6/09/06

Dear Diva Francesca,

I am in a real dilemma at the moment . My partner of 14 years, and I are still living together, but really the only glue left that binds us to each other right now is our 8 years old child.

I no longer have sexual feelings towards my partner at all. We're more like housemates. Many of our friends advise us to stay together...we live in a very conservative rural community and it is not easy to be a single parent here - but it is possible, of course. As well, it is not so easy to meet new partners either, but again I would say, it is not impossible either.

I guess when I look in my heart I know that I want to leave but I am finding it very difficult to find the words, and have alot of fear around hurting my partner, and him being angry at my leaving, and also about supporting myself financially , at least initially. Although I work part time I am on a very low income and have fears around struggling to survive.

Bottom line is, however, that I want to live separately and discover more about myself, discover my independence, and develop my loving heart, and ideas around what I would desire in a truly fulfilling relationship.

Any help or suggestions appreciated.

With love,

Kali

Cara Kali,

Your name sake represents the energy of catalytic death and rebirth. Kali is She who breaks through illusion, and who destroys ego attachment to projections, fantasies, and daydreaming. In Her incarnation as Durga, She is the energy of determination, and fierce protectiveness.

Now your soul is cooking up the long journey. Now your soul is inviting you to find your true Inner Home. Now your soul is inviting you to leave daydreams behind and bake something real. Now your soul is calling you to fiercely protect what is cooking inside.

Remember The Key:

Life is a journey not a destination. Journeys take nourishment. What authentically nourishes the soul?

Create the vision - Then make a plan.

NOTE: I recommend including in the vision a nourishing co-parenting relationship with your child's father.

Life is what happens while we're making plans. Where you go may surprise you. Yet there is a magick in creating the vision and the plan.

Clarissa Pinkola Estes (Women Who Run With the Wolves) says it so beautifully:
”We must strive to allow our souls to grow in their natural ways and to their natural depths. ” Sometimes we find ourselves in the Desert of the Soul. “The ancients called the desert the place of divine revelation. A desert is a place where life is very condensed. Most of what occurs goes on underground. Many of us have lived desert lives: very small on the surface and enormous underground.”

When we seek to embrace and realize our underground life, we come into bloom.

THE PARADOX:

When we seek to find a person who seems like a restaurant, we are nourished for a short while, until the bill needs to be paid. No other human being is a 24 hour, gourmet cook of love, ready to take our orders all the time.

We usually fall into an infatuation (which seems like love) with someone who appears to be a restaurant.

When we seek to become A Chef Of Love, we will always be nourished. We will know how to create the Journey Bread.

HOW DO WE CREATE JOURNEY BREAD?

There is a saying “Sometimes we need a story more than we need bread.” What this means is that when we find stories with heart and meaning – tales of experience, strength and hope – they nourish our souls for the long journey of life.

THE STORIES are of those who seek, who get lost, who find unexpected help, who experience dangers, who forget, who remember, who learn, who heal, who find their power, who grow up.

Stories can be found, lived, read, seen, heard or shared. We know a Journey Bread story because it inspires us. It moves us. It stirs our soul. It feeds our spirit.

If you were living your life as an inspiration to others – how would that look?

What if we lived our lives as a Journey Bread Story?

You have gotten lost. We all get lost. It is part of the journey. We human beings get lost into:

  • - LONGING TO BE LIKED, respected, admired which can turn into addiction to pleasing others, overgiving and losing one's own authentic soul direction, limits and boundaries.
  • - LONGING TO BE GOOD, nice, respectable which can turn into suppressing our authentic feelings, wants, needs, style, passion, and creativity.
  • - LONGING TO BE FINANCIALLY SECURE which can turn into an addiction for more, more, more, or newer, better, different or compromising in order to get some.
  • - LONGING TO BELONG - - - in a community - - with a person - - which can turn into a mindless, numbing acceptance of whatever “the group,” or the other(s) want or believe.
  • - LONGING TO BE SAFE which can turn into an addiction to giving away our power to others, getting smaller, OR puffing up and trying to dominate others.

Noticing our Longing can be a useful guide in the direction of our life mission, BUT WHEN IT TURNS TO FEAR it becomes toxic.

You speak of longing for many things . . .Here are a few ingredients that incubate manifestation . . .

  • - To be physically safe – We must discover, express, maintain and DEFEND OUR LIMITS AND BOUNDARIES of time, money, and energy WITH COMPASSION.
  • - Not to hurt another – We must discover and embrace our own Inner Rage, Darkness, Urge for Destruction, Urge for Revenge, Inner Manipulator HAVE COMPASSION for ourselves. THEN COMPASSIONATELY SHARE OUR TRUTH.
  • - To be financially safe – We must believe we are worthy of success, and develop the skills that allow us to manifest the career we love.
  • - To fit into community – We must learn to value who we are, share our gifts, skills and talents, show up AND sometimes move on.
  • - To find a wonderful partner – We must become a wonderful partner to ourselves. We must make the Inner Commitment to heal, develop our relationship skills, including: nonjudgment, nonattachment, self sufficiency, compassion, passion, clear communication, and boundaries.
  • - To find ourselves – We must journey into the Inner Wilderness, El Rio Abajo El Rio, The Shadow, and the Great Below.

When Kali cooks, sometimes the stove blows up and the house burns down. When Durga rides her lion, she roars out The Truth.

Sometimes we die to who we think we are so that we can become who we are meant to be.

Sometimes we dis-integrate the false to re-integrate the true.

It is less about physically leaving (although that sometimes occurs) than about coming home to our soul.

Journey Bread is cooked up when we follow what has heart and meaning and sauté the creative flow:

  • - Dance
  • - Breathe
  • - Write
  • - Walk in the woods
  • - Dance under a full moon
  • - Allow the emotions to come out and flow for you (no one else needs to be around)
  • - Listen for the stirrings of your soul
  • - Make commitments to yourself and keep them.
  • - Collect stories that inspire.

NOTE: It's OK to walk slowly, to pace yourself, to pack for the road and to make the first step.

If you were guaranteed to make $200,000 a year but you had to use your gifts, skills and talents to work at something, what would you do ?

Your JOURNEY BREAD is what has heart and meaning FOR YOU!

BOOKS:

  • - Women Who Run With The Wolves BY Clarissa Pinkola Estes
  • - Aphrodite's Daughters BY Jalaja Bonheim

- FOR MEN:

  • - King Warrior Magician Lover BY Robert Moore
  • - Iron John BY Robert Bly

VIDEOS/Movies:

  • - Shirley Valentine
  • - The Color Purple
  • - Dangerous Beauty
  • - Sirens
  • - Beyond Rangoon

FOR MEN:

  • - The Last Samurai
  • - A Knights Tale
  • - Rob Roy
  • - Dances With Wolves

Your courage to know and love yourself and live your truth, heals the world.

Blessings,
Diva Francesca 

 

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