DISH: Inanna’s Smorgasbord DietDIVA LOVE DISH – Friday: 6/02/06 Dear Disher of deLight, I wish I could condense this-- but I don't know how to separate the question from the background history. Maybe you can. I've been married for almost 24 years. My husband has always loved me though, and when he was home, he was more than willing to help, treating me like a princess, taking care of the children, cleaning the house with me, supporting me in my goals for life. There were some really rough times when I had to step up to the responsibility of handling everything alone, because he was in the military and gone a lot. After one especially rough spot several years ago, I realized that we had become very disconnected, and were not really relating at all. I finally told my husband that I wanted a divorce. He was devastated and begged me to give him another chance. After endless talks, he agreed to work on our relationship and I agreed to stay and work hard too. However, I also told him what we'd both known all along-- I am polyamorous, and it hurts me to be anything other than my authentic self. Although he knew and accepted the truth (my capacity for boundless love is one of the things he is most drawn to), and he wanted to be okay with it, he wasn't. He would try very hard to be his best Self, but those periods of time when he was loving and tender grew ever shorter. Like any addict, my husband would have good days, sometimes a long chain of them. But he always fell back into this all-consuming, addictive fear, and the volcano inside him would go back to spewing toxic fumes and deadly lava. A strange thing happened, though. At some point, after tiptoeing around my dying-ness for days and weeks, my husband began to go off into a rage again. Months later, he seems to have turned the corner. I see him catch himself now, when pressure builds up. I see the change in his energy and in his eyes, and I am DELIGHTED with our growing mastery of such difficult lessons. My question is about healing our sexual relationship, which has also suffered great wounds. I feel SO much more able to open to him and welcome him into deeper parts of me now. But there is still some caution too. I know we may need to crawl before we can walk and run. I don't want to How can I nurture this tender new growth in my very committed relationship, heal the woundings between us, and still dance my dance? It's a lot to ask but I /believe/, down to the depths of me, that it can be done. I send much love to you, and deep gratitude for any help you may offer. Eileen ****** This may be a long answer :-) Wow! Yes! You have been traveling in the footsteps of Inanna/Ishtar as she gathers her powers, embraces sacred sexuality, confronts her shadow, releases her ego, deepens into compassion/forgiveness, sets boundaries, comes to balance/center and becomes the Noble Goddess Queen. The heart of the matter in becoming a Noble God King or Goddess Queen was in your expression of compassionate (yet strong) boundaries (without ego “This time, I said no. Not in a harsh or challenging way, but from a place of bare-bones truth.” The bare bones are the stock of the most nutrient rich soups and stews. No ego. No attack. No defense. Just the facts. Just the boundary. Just the request. Remember The Key: If we cook with defense, we offend. If we cook with offense we create defense. What we resist – persists. Sometimes we need to cook something for a long time in our Inner Crockpot to get down to the bones. Before I met my soul mate, I was in a challenging, emotionally attacking, reactive, and extremely painful relationship. I felt out of control. I saw that we triggered the worst in one another but I didn’t know what to do. He would yell or withdraw. I would scream and emotionally attack. One day, I was blessed with watching a close girlfriend in an argument with her boyfriend. I saw her acting out the same way I did. I saw how off center she was and insecure. I saw how her behavior brought out the worst in her boyfriend. I saw her saying and doing many of the same things that I was saying and doing. It was a HUGE wake up call. She was whining, complaining, yelling, berating and criticizing. She had - No bones. No clarity. No center. Watching her inspired me to search for my own center, self-love, vision of soulful love and boundaries/limits. Boundaries are the container of love. Compassionate (Bare Bones) Boundaries Are The Key to Love’s Cooking Pot: In my case, when I found my center, I was able to soulfully transition and complete the relationship. We are now loving friends. I was able to be prepared when I met my soul mate to come from center and to stay centered. THE PARADOX:When we are strong enough in self-love to choose to live without a mate rather than settle for the wrong relationship, we inspire the right relationship.NOW HOW ABOUT INANNA’S SMORGASBORD?So we have our compassionate boundaries, we have our sacred container for love. Yet, perhaps, like Inanna, we have so many aspects: It is normal and healthy to long for someone (or many someones) to meet, greet, love, adore, converse with, play with and make love with each of our aspects. There are many ways to HAVE IT ALL. THE INNER SMORGASBORD:
MY LOVER’S SMORGASBORD:
THE POLYAMOROUS SMORGASBORD:The capacity for the heart to love is infinite. The capacity for the loins to be inspired to lust is also infinite. TIME IS FINITE. Given that we have a finite amount of time, and that we have commitments to ourselves (and others) to create emotional and physical safety, how do we express our love or lust in integrity with our agreements? Poly- Amorous MEANS Many Loves. These loves may or may not be sexual. It is one of the soul’s journeys to discover how to honor love’s expansion while being conscious, compassionate and in integrity. Each beloved brings shining gifts and dark challenges. WHY? Because each is a mirror of our soul and path for our soul’s growth. Each beloved has many Inner Aspects (whether they are aware of them or not.) We are always drawn to the Bright Fantasy Projection of our own soul’s light. We will always be challenged by the Dark Fantasy Projection of our own soul’s darkness. Beyond the darkness and light, we learn how to truly love ourselves and others. If we choose that having many lovers is the best way to meet our needs and the needs of our family, there are many ways to express polyamory:
Conscious Polyamory benefits from developing relationship skills including:
INANNA’S SMORGASBORD DIET: I’m the only person I know that lost weight on a cruise. Cruises have sit down 5 course breakfasts, Mid-morning buffets, 5 courses lunches, 7 course dinners, midnight buffets and free room service. Once I knew that I had an ENORMOUS ABUNDANCE OF FREE FOOD 24 hours day, I could relax. I took my time. When we are Inanna, we are the Queen of Heaven and Earth who knows she “has it all.” We can relax and come to center. We don’t need to rush out and snack on anything and everything rash. We can take our time. Savor our choices. We can have the patience to make good relationship feasts that last for life. Bless you dear one for having the courage to face Inanna’s journey of death and rebirth. More and more inner power, richness and abundance will be opening up for you. Listen for that “still quiet voice of the soul.” She holds your deepest wisdom. When we are in our center, we know that we are taking the time to cook up dishes that will nourish us for life. The dance is always in us. It is there to be danced in each moment. The fruit of the underworld is the pomegranate. BOOKS:
VIDEOS/Movies:
You are a blessing to the world. Love, |
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