DISH: Sensuously Slow Cooking

By Francesca Gentille 4/28/06

Dear Diva,

I'm intelligent and a nice guy. I'm a good cook. I don't do well in casual conversations. I really like talking about history, politics, improving the world etc. I'm neither bad looking nor good looking. It's hard to meet women who want a guy like me.

Any advice?

Gary 

******

Caro Chef of Love,

Thank you for bringing this issue up. We all long to be noticed, seen and appreciated for our gifts, skills and talents. We long to be seen for who we truly are. We all are worthy of receiving it.

Yet - How do we draw in and cook up love in our favorite flavors?

We are each unique and have something to marinate and serve.

You are a chef, intelligent, well read, thoughtful, and committed to making a positive difference in the world. I encourage you to appreciate yourself for what you have to give and to share it freely with others. This positive energy of self-appreciation and generosity (a spiritual practice) inevitably attracts yummyness towards us.

Women are like gardens, or slow cooking stews. Women benefit from consistent attention, steady heat and patience.

Many men I know are seeking the quick stir fry. They want to get it hot and cooked up fast. Sometimes, that works but often it burns the dish. Sometimes it's just not fulfilling in the long run.

Take your time. Show up. Keep showing up with who you are. Lead with your strong suits. Believe in yourself. The consistency of joining a group, class or organization will allow your strengths to shine.

When we focus on:

• Criticizing & Judging ourselves
• Criticizing & Judging others
• Even dwelling on why it's not working . . .

we draw less of what we want into our lives. It's a universal, magical, spiritual principle. . . whatever we focus on GROWS.

It is SIMPLE BUT NOT EASY to focus on what we do want:

• Appreciation
• Compassion
• Connection
• Understanding
• Passion

This takes BEING appreciative, compassionate, connective, passionate, and understanding OF OURSELVES and of OTHERS.

REMEMBER THE PRESENTATION OF THE DISH:

I recommend asking a stylish female friend to take you shopping for some savory, suave clothing. It just may change your friends mind about you to see you in what she likes. It might change everyone else's mind too.

SPICY MAGICAL SELF LOVE & SEX PRACTICES:

We often hear “love yourself” but just think of it as a nice idea . I'm talking about LOVE as an action.

Take yourself out to dinner, a walk, do something nice for YOU. Take some courses in things that interest you. Share your ideas. Write about your thoughts and feelings so that YOU can know them more clearly and have compassion for you . Become your own delicious LOVER. As you love and appreciate your own body, you will glow with magnificent energy.

I recommend reading books (or listening to audio tapes or CD's) on Sacred Sexuality, Self Love, The Soul. Some of my favorites include:

• Anything by Thomas Moore – The Care of the Soul series (and the Soul of Sex)
• Sex for One – By Betty Dodsen
• The Future of Love by Daphne Rose Kingma
• The Way of the Superior Lover By David Deida
• Sacred Sexuality for Western Lovers by Margot Anand

FOR WOMEN:

• Imagine a Woman In Love With Herself BY Patricia Lynn Reilly
• A Woman's Worth BY Marianne Williamson

FOR MEN:

• Fire in the Belly BY Sam Keene
• Iron John BY Robert Bly
• King Warrior Magician Lover BY Robert Moore

I recommend watching videos that focus on personal transformation of the hero/heroine:

FOR MEN:

• Bliss

FOR WOMEN:

• Shirley Valentine

You are a blessing to the world.

Amore,

Diva Francesca