DISH: Huevos Amore Nuevo (New Love Eggs)

DIVA LOVE DISH – Friday: 4/21/06

Huevos, also referred to as Cajones, stand for “balls” or courage.
This delicious dish means stirring up the courage to love anew.

Share the DISH . . .

Dear Diva,

Your tips have been extremely helpful. In dating/flirting, the practice of compassion, curiosity, contribution, courage seems a great way to go about things, and in very practical terms. I know that one needs to make a shift within oneself in order to not come across as "weird" in flirting / dating, but what if one has past fears which it's hard to loosen the grip of?

I am more confident now than I used to be. However, irrational fears of appearing weird or panicky not just in dating, are sometimes still there, along with thoughts that there is something fundamentally wrong with me.
These fears can contribute to a vicious cycle of irrational thoughts-physical manifestations of fear or panic-more irrational thoughts- etc.

What are the different ways one can finally move from this mode of thinking, feeling, etc to a more realistic, or even positive one?

It can be hard to shake these feelings because they are so physical/chemical/biological in addition to being a normal reality of the situation sometimes. I've done some therapy and meditation (your recent posting about addiction comes to mind also because it's good to not just run away from pain through addictive behaviors), which have been helpful.

We are told what NOT TO DO but do you have further suggestions what TO DO to be what I call more "realistic" about, and enjoy, life?

Any thoughts you have would be great,

Ready to try something new

Cara Renewal,

I am so glad you asked these questions. I have spent the last 30 years studying, researching, experimenting and healing around these very issues.

Why?

Because I have them. In fact, MOST PEOPLE SUFFER from some amount of concern that there is something FUNDAMENTALLY NOT OK with them. Many people find that their brains become stuck in patterns of doubt, confusion, fear and depression.

The GOOD NEWS – by practicing the tips in this DISH, I have lost POUNDS OF NEGATIVE thinking. More often than not, my heart and soul are at peace. YAY!

What a beautiful soul YOU have. Sensitive. Insightful. Creative. These are qualities that have 2 sides (as all qualities do).

1. The ability to empathize with the feelings of others and to
   profoundly feel. The ability to imagine and visualize powerfully. The ability to think and analyze information.
2. The tendency to get stuck in emotional states. The tendency to
   obsess in fear producing imaginations. The tendency to analyze information toward the most depressing or fear producing outcome.

I am very touched by the courage it took to write to me. COUR-age does not mean fear-less. It means having a commitment to something that moves us through and ultimately beyond our fear. I see your commitment to breaking free of old patterns of thought and behavior into a beautiful new life.

PEACEFUL POSITIVE THINKING AND LIVING TAKES PRACTICE! Personally, I have not found a “quick fix” (that is not in some way addictive, or ultimately non-productive).

I lovingly encourage you to KEEP PRACTICING. When you slip (and we all slip), I gently encourage you to notice the slip and to begin anew.

PEACEFUL POSITIVE THINKING PRACTICES:
Try mine on - - - what resonates for you?

When I notice negative, self-criticizing, anxiety producing or fearful thoughts . . .

• I Say my favorite Mantra or Prayer over and over and over and
  over and over in my mind. As long as it takes. Hours if necessary. I use it as an opportunity to strengthen my spiritual practice. My favorite Mantra is “The Serenity Prayer”:
• God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
  (other people). The courage to change the things I can (me). And the wisdom to know the difference. (Thy will not mine be done.)
• I CHOOSE to think about ALL the other people in the world RIGHT
  NOW who are carrying the same painful thoughts and feelings. I empathize and have compassion for the world of suffering. I CHOOSE to breathe love into my heart. I imagine my heart-light glowing. I breathe love out to all the people in the world who are suffering right now. (Nice long deep breaths with a relaxed belly.)

I make lists of all my good qualities, my gifts, my skills, my talents, my kindnesses, my creativities. I PUT THIS UP where I can see it.

I make a list of all the things I would like to learn more about and to develop in myself. I work on at least one of these each month.

I make a list of all the things I am frightened of. Even little things - - - like getting lost. Each week I encourage myself to take at least one small step toward doing something I fear. For instance, I choose to drive (or walk) a new way home (during the daylight hours – with enough gas). I celebrate getting lost.

ANOTHER EXAMPLE - I am afraid of talking to strangers or that people won’t like me. SO each week, I encourage myself to say hi to people on the street or in a shop. I talk to street people when I give them money. I ask how they are doing or wish them a nice day. It helps me reach out to others when I think of how ALL human beings suffer.

When I see someone I feel very attracted to, I choose to remember that that person also has suffered. Everyone has suffered! No matter how attractive or successful they APPEAR. Every human being has experienced some amount of loss, lost dreams, rejection, rejection of some part of themselves, sadness, depression, confusion and/or anxiety. AS I HAVE COMPASSION for their suffering, I can see and relate to them as a precious human being instead of the object of my fantasies.

I take workshops on creativity, self-expression, dance, communication, sacred sexuality/Tantra, art, massage, spirituality, self-defense etc.
etc. etc. . I take workshops that nourish my soul, sense of self worth and self knowledge.

I go to therapy or get coaching.

I thank you for your courage and compassion. Thank you for your commitment to being a positive contribution to yourself and the world. I look forward to hearing of your journey.

FOR POSTIVE THINKING PRACTICES
I recommend reading books (or listening to audio tapes or CD’s) on Happiness, Positive Thinking, Letting Go, Co-dependency. Some of my favorites include:

• Anything by Melody Beattie – She writes powerful books on Co-Dependency. NOTE: Most folks who focus a lot on what others think of them, have co-dependent tendencies.
• Anything by Angels Arrien (Best known for “The Fourfold Way.”)
• Anything by Deepak Chopra
• Let Go Let Miracles Happen; The Art of Spiritual Surrender BY Kathy Cordova
• How We Choose to Be Happy BY Rick Foster & Greg Hicks
• Happiness is a Choice BY Barry Kaufman
• Anything by Thomas Moore – The Care of the Soul series
• Learned Optimism BY Martin Selegman

FOR WOMEN:

• Imagine a Woman In Love With Herself BY Patricia Lynn Reilly
• A Woman’s Worth BY Marianne Williamson

FOR MEN:

• Fire in the Belly BY Sam Keene
• Iron John BY Robert Bly
• King Warrior Magician Lover BY Robert Moore

I recommend watching videos that focus on personal transformation of the
hero/heroine:

• Shirley Valentine
• Sirens
• Calendar Girls
• Don’t Tell Her It’s Me
• Beyond Rangoon
• The Last Samurai

You are a blessing to the world.

Amore,
Diva Francesca