DISH: Spring S*x Tonic

By Francesca Gentille 3/24/06

Dear Diva,

I am guy who loves women and has a strong sex drive. I think of myself as part White Knight (saving and taking care of woman) and part Satyr (horny beast) . I don't want to hurt women in order to get sex. I often feel like they're giving me mixed signals. Now what?

- Satyr

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Caro Satyr Knight,

You have one of the most delicious combinations of male divine archetypes . When your Divine Archetypes are working as a team, your combination brings a deep primal passion and beautiful, enobling respect to your relationships. The challenge is always:

How do we get the Inner Family work together in the romantic playground?

I'm guessing that right now the Knight and the Satyr take turns as to who's in charge. If the Knight's taking the lead for too long, you may feel like you're overgiving and being taken advantage of by women. If the Satyr is in the lead for too long, you may feel like you are a living “dickhead,” who is leaving shattered hearts by the bedside.

All human beings have ALL inner aspects. It's a matter of which ones we deny and which ones we identify with. In Sacred Relationship, ALL aspects are of value and have a time and a place to bring their wisdom. When we deny them or judge them they act out in tragic ways.

It's time to claim and celebrate more of your Inner Aspects:

The wisdom of the Knight is – Courtesy, Truth, Integrity, A Cause, and Service.

The wisdom of the Satyr is – Passion, Body Celebration, Sensual Delight, and Vitality.

The wisdom of the King is – Boundaries, Leadership, Divine Connection, Gathering the People, Graciousness and The Ability to Receive

The Wise King knows how to use resources well. He might say to the Knight,

“ Choose the lady you devote yourself to with care. All women deserve courtesy and integrity. Your Lady, is She who calls forth the highest and best in you. Give with kindness and moderation to each. Do not deplete your own storehouse, or you will have nothing to last through life's winters”

“Listen to your Satyr. Like a steed he carries you and brings you vitality. Your job is to hold the reins and guide him with a higher perspective. He has a wisdom all his own. He can sense both danger and fresh water before you can. You can look for a safe place to have him use and celebrate his studly services.”

The King might say to the Satyr,

“ You are the life force itself. You are the delight of the senses. You are passion in all its flavors. You have a nose for the fresh and the juicy. You are the ability to see beauty in all its forms. All women deserve your appreciation and joy in their beauty. Feel your hooves on the earth and your pelt being lifted by the breeze. Celebrate YOU. Run. Leap. Cavort. Dance. Sniff. Release the urge to have THIS lay or a f**k now. You know how to make love to the world.”

“Listen to your Knight. From his perspective, he can see much that you do not. As he learns to appreciate the fun and vitality you bring to him, he will seek out succulent erotic pastures for your pleasure that will delight everyone.”

My dear Satyr Knight, I know many women who would adore a man like you. I am thrilled to be mated to a man who has a very similar combination. YUM!

I encourage you to let women know from the “get go” that you are both passionate and courteous. I invite you to “check-in” with both aspects as you date, flirt and engage with women. If a woman is frightened by the passion of the satyr, she is not right for you. If a woman tries to take advantage of the knight, she is not right for you. Not everyone you are attracted to will be right for you. Listen to your Inner King. He can bring a Wise Balance.

Women give confusing signals because we are unaware of our own Inner Family. We have been taught to act sexy in order to get attention and BE a good girl in order to get a commitment. We often don't know our own AUTHENTIC wants, needs, boundaries, limits and desires beneath what we have been taught. As you get clearer about your Inner Family of Archetypes, you will be able to see ours more clearly, have compassion, and help us find them. (NOTE: This works both ways. As I've become clearer about my own Inner Family, I have helped my loves find and work with theirs. COMPASSION IS KEY.)

FOR INNER FAMILY SEARCHES:

I recommend all books on “Shadow Work”. Also works by Joseph Campbell (Hero with a Thousand Faces) Robert Bly (Iron John) and Robert Moore (King, Warrior, Magician, Lover).

FOR SAFE CONSENSUAL SEXUAL OR SENSUAL PLAY:

I recommend (websearch) Cuddle Partys, learn massage, learn American/Western Tantra, Human Awareness Institute, Body Electric (.org). NOTE: Theatre people, artists, polyamory, neo-pagans all have a tendancy to be more open minded and inclusive about free sexual/sensual exploration. AND SOME will also be more conservative erotically.

SELF LOVE IS EROTIC

Do what you love and the honey will follow. Eat well. Exercise. Follow your dreams. Release complaint. Get in action. Learn. Grow. Heal. Self-pleasure. Simple but not easy. A great love life or a great life is a daily spiritual practice.